I'm not me without you

Do you ever wonder how Adam and Eve managed in the Garden of Eden? It's not like she could get mad at Adam and go sleep at her mother's house. And he certainly couldn't "cool off" for a few minutes by heading to the garage to dawdle. They were stuck with one another, and outside of the benefit of having God's ear, they only had to deal with a pesky asp.

(This picture was taken of us shortly after we began dating in March of 2008.)

But life was simpler then. There were no blended families, bad progress reports or in-laws to cause marital strife -- just an apple which, granted, was bad enough.

A dear friend told me Tuesday night that no marriage is perfect. You have good times, and you have bad times. You just hope the good outweighs the bad. True enough. But I think I'd add to it because marriage just isn't that simple.

Two people, with God's grace and his definite intervention, manage to find one another. You fall in lust, then love. You become the best of friends, and decide that you must spend the rest of your lives together. And, hopefully, you do. But, as I know all too well, sometimes you don't. Alas, another column for another time.

But along the way, you hit speed bumps. Back to that asp. It'll jump up and bite you. You've got to be stronger. And realize that simply you're not you without that other person in your life.

Marriage is about give and take. It requires trust, respect and admiration. You must love that person as an extension of yourself, taking with that the good, the best, the worst and the ugly. You must compliment her, and let her know that she's the most beautiful, wonderful person you've ever known. If you don't, someone else will. You must respect him, and show him that respect. If you don't, he'll feel defeated. You must make mutual decisions and consult one another on every major decision, especially when it comes to rearing the wee ones. You must set mutual goals and walk toward those together, hand in hand. You must not insult, or speak without thinking. You can't hurt the other, or lose their trust and respect.

And, most importantly, you must enjoy one another completely. Have fun together. Take a walk, again hand in hand, and share smiles. Laugh often. Laugh at yourselves and laugh just because you're happy.

Do we always do these things? Most of us probably don't. And I'll be the first to admit that I don't do it enough, but I should. What I do know is that I'm not me without Henry. And it doesn't take an apple for me to figure that out.