“What
comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about
us.”
--
A.W. Tozer
A
friend came over late the other night. She needed to talk, and I was still
awake. We perched on my back deck, my little place away from the world, and her
question came:
“How
do you manage to have such a public life, yet still be yourself?”
I
don’t think about that question much, but the answer came easily.
“I escape to this,” as I waved my arm around
encompassing all that surrounded us that night. “Henry and the boys are my
solace. I escape to them, and our life here. This is who I am, and this is
where I can be myself. I hide out here, and that life, the public life, it’s
not who I am. I drop that before I get here.”
She thought for a minute. She doesn’t have kids, and
she’s not married. Her whole life is her job, for the most part. She hasn’t found
her escape. But she will.
It’s no secret that my public life has hurt me. It
picked me up, spit me out and left me crumpled in a pile on the floor. When
you’re hurt to that extreme, you retreat.
But because of that pain, I no longer let my public
life dictate who I am. I am a very
private person these days, and it no longer matters to me what I’m
involved in, or whom accepts me, outside of my family and God.
And, you see, that’s the lesson here.
She’s not the first friend who has came to me, worried
about what others in the community may think, and she won’t be the last. And I
see it on Facebook, too. Friends ranting because someone is talking about them,
or how their children aren’t included with others, or how they feel they are
being excluded or judged by their adult peers.
I have friends, good friends. I won’t judge you or
anyone else. There’s one judge, and we’ll all face Him sooner or later. I
accept people against pretenses, and therefore, I have friends of all shapes
and sizes, from all backgrounds, popular or not. I’m not a part of any social
clique, sorority or organization that would put me above or below anyone else.
I do what I want to do these days, and that means almost every available minute
is spent with my husband and kids in our world. And our world focuses on faith
and family.
For the first time in my life, I’ve accepted myself
for who I am. For far too long, I chased the public persona, trying to force
myself into that role, the role everyone else thought I should be. It got me nowhere
but hurt.
Every town is full of cliques, vengeful people and
those out to hurt others, just to make themselves feel superior. But they’re
also full of wonderful, God-loving, caring individuals who make life better
just by being themselves. You can concentrate on the first, or you can be a
part of the latter.
Take this advice from someone who has been there and
who may always be branded with the Scarlett Letter of Exclusion. You can carry
the letter and let it dictate who you are, or you can drop it and focus on what
really matters.
Since I’m currently studying the book of Genesis and
God’s creation, it seems only appropriate to leave you with this: “So God
created man in his own image … And God saw everything that he had made, and,
behold, it was very good.”
He made each and every one of us, and we’re good –
no matter what. The world may have you believe that you’re only a speck of dust
among millions and you don’t matter, but know that God not only made each of us
special and unique, but he knows every single one of us personally.
Embracing that truth with your heart and soul can be
your escape, too.
