Inspired by a brother's love

At some point in the past year, my second born son has become a big brother.

Actually, my wee-proportioned 8-year-old has been a big brother for every bit of the past five years, but he’s now taken on the role with zeal, proclaiming his maturity and knowledge on a regular basis in efforts to influence his 5-year-old brother.

And we know when he’s asserting that influence by the tone of his voice.

His speech, laden with a few mispronounced letter sounds, is quite stern and serious.

And often sounds like this:

“No, Awex, there is NO dancing at school.”

Or,

“Awex, make sure you don’t get your name in purple cause dat’s when they call your parents.”

Or,

“Awex, if you do that, it will make you DIE.”

And Alex listens to his big brother, for the most part.

He nods his head, wide-eyed and in complete awe of all the knowledge his super smart big brother possesses.

But just a year ago, it was Lucas who was getting his name on the naughty list. It was Lucas who was getting in trouble at school for misbehaving in the rest room. And it was Lucas who was putting himself in harm’s way on a regular basis.

He’s growing up. Maturity is written in big bold letters all over his face when he delivers his words of wisdom.

He’s a great big brother, full of wisdom and empathy.

He plays with his little brothers, showing them the attention they crave, and they look up to him.

Just the other day, Lucas was making Alex a present. It was a stick he found at the football field, but with his imagination, it was so much more than that. And when he gave that ordinary stick to Alex and told him he made it for him, Alex beamed and said, “Lucas, I wuv you more than anything.”

Lucas smiled and said, “Did you hear that mom? Awex said he wuvs me more than anything.”

And in that instant, my heart exploded.

But, this time, it was me who was in awe of them.

Amish family ties

If you ask Henry what he misses most about his Amish lifestyle, without missing a beat, he'll say his family.

You see, Henry is shunned from the Amish. What that means is that he chose to be baptized into the Amish church when he was about 18 years old. Because he left after his baptismal, he is now shunned. To be shunned doesn't mean what one might expect. In essence, it means he can't do business with the Amish. (I can't either for that matter because as a married couple our money is well, our money.) And he can't sit down to dinner with them, for example. But that doesn't mean he can't speak to him family. To the contrary, actually. When he sees his mother, father or siblings out, he values the conversations he gets to have with them. Does he go to their house to visit, you might ask ... The answer is no, out of respect for them, he will not. He knows they don't accept the choice he made, so he stays away. They don't want any of the other children to leave, and if he pulls up in a big truck, wearing a baseball cap, the youngsters may see value in being English and decide to leave. No one wants that, not his parents, and not us.

I wanted to ask Henry about his family. It's extremely important to him, and as I've grown to know them, I have quite a bit of respect for them. He has wonderful parents who brought him up to be the great man he is, and I thank them for that.

How many siblings do you have? "There are 11 of us. I am one of 11."

Name the children in order of age. "Daniel, myself, Lydia, John, Sarah, Mattie, Emery, Ada, Perry, Tina and Emanuel."

Are they all named for someone? "Yes."

Who are you named for? "My uncle, Henry Glick. My brother Daniel is named for an uncle, as well."

Have any of your other siblings left the Amish? Who? When? "Yes. My brother Daniel. He left a week after I did. Neither of us knew the other was leaving until we did. After I left and then after he left, we both felt sad for each other, from the standpoint of how it would hurt our parents."

Henry's mother is Mary G. Shetler. She quilts and is well known for her baking skills, selling her baked goods at the Orleans farmers' market.

Describe your mother for me. "It would probably be four words: Strong-willed, outspoken, loving and sociable. She'd talk to anybody and talk your head off."

Makes you wonder where Henry got his personality from, doesn't it?

Henry's father is Mose Shetler. When Henry was young, his father worked construction. He now runs a machine shop at his home. He also serves as the bishop for his church district.

Describe your father. "My father is very intelligent, first and foremost. He was one of those guys who was a pretty strict dad. He set a high bar for us, as far as expectations, but at the end of the day, he was very reasonable and fair."

What kind of parents were they growing up? "First of all, we had a very loving family. They were very firm, but fair and compassionate."

What was the best times you spent with your family? "Traveling with them. I have family in several states, including Missouri, Indiana, Ohio, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Mississippi, New York and even in Canada. Believe it or not, Amish travel a lot and enjoy vacations."

Where did your parents come from? "Dad was born in Canada, and mom was born in Ohio. They met in Ohio, were married in Ohio, then moved to New York, where I was born and lived until 1996 when we moved to Mitchell."

Quarky Quotations

I've decided to keep a running log of all of the things my kids say ... Simple and cute. I love their honesty and shall we say, bluntness ...

Aug. 5, 2011: At Jacob's baptism at Wonder Valley Christian Camp, Alex looked at me and asked, "So when is it Jacob's turn to get appetized?"

Aug. 7, 2011: I drove through a local fast food restaurant to get my sons and Henry some food. Leaving, Jacob asked me if I got anything for myself. I replied, "No. I'm not hungry." To which he replied, "Mom, you're never hungry anymore. You used to always be hungry. Is there something wrong?" I told him that when you're trying to diet, fast food isn't the best alternative. He goes, "Well, if there's every anything wrong, you know you can talk to me. I'm there for you."

Aug. 10, 2011: Giving Emery a bath, Lucas was just a few feet away from the bathroom playing in the hall. He said, "Mom, there's a spider." So I replied, "Kill it." He goes, "Actually, I officially retired from killing spiders." ... Man, I hope he doesn't expect Social Security.

Aug. 11, 2011: On the way to day care, Jacob and I were discussing girlfriends, boyfriends and which of his friends was dating who. We discussed one couple, when he said, "I'd rather not have a girlfriend than to have one I'm embarrassed to be seen with." Sage advice, I suppose.

July 28, 2011: Alex walked up to me in the kitchen and said, "Mom, you look cute." I said, "Thank you, Alex." To which he replied, "Since I called you cute, can you get me some chocolate milk?" Flattery at age 5.

Aug. 11, 2011: Words of wisdom from Jacob this morning, "I'd rather not have a girlfriend than have one I'm embarrassed to be seen with."

Aug. 29, 2011: Henry's conversation with Jacob yesterday: "Jake, would you rather have a very beautiful, sexy woman whom you fight with all the time and don't get along with or a woman who may be a little heavier, not as beautiful, but you have a wonderful marriage?" Jacob's response, "There has to be a third option."

Aug. 30, 2011: You know you have a kindergartner when you ask him how his day went and he says, "Someone ate a booger today!"

Sept. 13, 2011: My 5-year-old is now manipulating the "Bucket Filler" program at Hatfield. After getting a spanking last night he told me with tears in his eyes, "You emptied my bucket." A few minutes later he said, "If you get me chocolate milk, it would fill my bucket back up."

Oct. 7, 2011: In trouble for opening cookies after I told him not to, then fibbing by saying he didn't know the bag would open, I was scolding Alex when he said, "But, mom, I'm only 5 years old. I don't know a lot of things. Like 0+7. I don't know what that is."

Oct. 17, 2011: Leaving town Friday, we drove past CVS. Alex, who is all about learning to read and spell right now, goes, "Hey, Mom, I know how to spell CVS!" Playing along, I said, "How do you spell CVS?" And with great seriousness, he said, "C-V-S." Henry and I cracked up laughing. He's so excited about learning, we can't possibly burst his bubble.

Oct. 27, 2011: Lucas was trying to decide whether to watch "Super Hero Squad" and "Potpie" this morning. I love kid language!!

Oct. 31, 2011: Made chili for office chili cook-off. The boys all ate bowls of it this morning. While eating his, Jacob says in disgust, "A lot of people think chili is just tomato juice, ground beef and some noodles. Mom, when you die, can you will me your chili recipe?"

Nov. 8, 2011: After dinner last night, Jacob announced he was going to do "five sit-ups to work it off." I replied, "Jake, I run for an hour and don't work it all off," so he goes, "Then, I'll do 10." That's my Jake!!

Nov. 18, 2011: Drove by a dead skunk this morning on our way into town. I asked the boys, "What's that smell?" Lucas replied, "A turkey." Ummm, I think we need to work on our animal traits.

Nov. 20, 2011: They let Emery out of the hospital after a breathing issue, and Lucas said, "Good news. They let Emery loose!"

Dec. 1, 2011: Jacob: "Mom, I'm kinda hoping you get fat again. You were a much better cook when you were fat." (To clarify, we had pot roast last night and we're having lasagna tonight. I don't think he's suffering.)

Dec. 5, 2011: Alex runs screaming out of the bathroom this morning half-asleep yelling about a moth. Henry goes to slay the poor moth, and mumbles, "You're your mother's kid." All the while, I'm laughing hysterically. Alex doesn't find it as funny and said, "Quit laughing! What'd you want me to do get stinged in the eye or something?"

Dec. 8, 2011: Lucas said on the way to school, "Mom, is today Wednesday?" I said, "No. It's Thursday." Lucas goes, "Yep. We must've skipped Wednesday." I laughed and said, "No. Yesterday was Wednesday." Lucas said, "It was? Yesterday felt like Tuesday." To which Jacob replied, "Nope. Yesterday was Wednesday, Lucas. Remember? We went to church. Church is always on Wednesdays."

Dec. 12, 2011: The boys wanted to sleep in the same room together. Jacob climbed into Lucas' bed, and Lucas started throwing a fit. Lucas said, "I don't want him to sleep in my bed. He stinks." To which Jacob replied, "It's called puberty. Get used to it."

Dec. 15, 2011: Emery was in the bathroom while I was getting ready for work taking a breathing treatment. Lucas walks in and starts talking to him. Lucas gets right up in his face, and Emery says, "No." Lucas looked at me and said, "Mom, did you hear that? Emery said 'no' like a human."

Leaving the buggy behind

My husband is a wonderful man. Loving, kind, funny and intelligent are all words I would use to describe this man. But mystery also surrounds him. I can't begin to imagine or understand the life he lived prior to the summer of 2007. I will never understand it, but I accept the difference and embrace it as a part of him.

Henry left his old order Amish life behind at the end of July of 2007 and became English.

When we started dating, I had a million questions for him. He's answered all of them patiently and honestly. But he still gets questions. People will ask, but most people are too shy to ask, or just don't get the chance. To bridge the gap, I'm going to interview my husband and for the next several blogs, I am going to bring you his answers.

How did you leave home?

"I left about 8 or 9 o'clock at night. My parents were on vacation, out of state. I left a note on the kitchen table, explaining my decision. I told them that I was leaving and not to worry about me. I brought a lot of stuff with me. I had two travel bags, with all my important ID, documents and all that stuff I had to have, including bank statements, clothes and a few other things. I walked to Mitchell, which was about two miles from my home. I went to the gas station, and I called my friend, Lee. He came and picked me up, and I spent my first night at their home."

What was the first non-Amish thing you did?

"Haircut and phone."

Why did you leave?

"I felt like the lifestyle just wasn't for me. I'll give you an example. I do construction, and I did while I was Amish. Being as you can't use any battery tools, electric tools, things like that, you're very limited in what you can do. I wanted to grow my business, beyond what I could do as an Amish. I probably wanted to enjoy some of the more modern conveniences."

What was the most unexpected part of the English lifestyle you encountered?

"The most unexpected part by far is that in the Amish lifestyle, people are honest with each other. When somebody tells you something, you can rely and depend on their word. You know it's the truth. Out here, people will lie to your face. They will lie to you and stab you in the back. Even your best friends will lie to you."

To be continued ...

Train them up ...

Tiny too early Jacob laid motionless in an incubator, tubes and wires protruding from his weak little body while I waited for a miracle. I dropped to my knees and begged God for his mercy. I cried out for his help, tears dripping from my chin.

I was barely 22 years old. Jacob was a day old. My first son, the one who came as a surprise, needed a miracle to survive. Barely had I gotten used to being a mother and I feared I'd lose my first chance.

My miracle came. Jacob rebounded with zeal. Twelve days later, he was released from intensive care, and I brought him home. Twelve years later, he doesn't have a single lasting effect from those tumultuous first moments.

I knew his recovery was nothing short of God's grace. I knew he was going to be special.

An infant, Jacob would lay on his changing table. For minutes at a time, he'd stare at the ceiling smiling and cooing at nothing I could see. I had faith he was seeing more than my adult mind could wrap itself around.

A kindergartner, Jacob was in class with a girl who was growing up in a home that embraced atheism. During lunch one day, she announced that she did not believe in God. Jacob looked at her and said, "It doesn't matter if you don't believe in God because he still loves you." Evangelism from a 6-year-old comes straight from a heart inspired by God.

Through the years, we've attended church regularly. Jacob was baptized as a toddler, along with his father and infant brother. That was 2003. He has attended vacation Bible school, church camp and Sunday school. We don't push religion, and I certainly wouldn't label our family as overly religious. We believe, attend church and try to live a good life, but at the same time, we tend to remain private about our beliefs.

This year, Jacob told me he was thinking seriously about being baptized. We discussed it, and I told him it was a choice between himself and God and he should express his desire to the youth minister at church. And as only Jacob could put it, he told me, "Well, mom, I know I was baptized before, but that time, I was just sprinkled, and I think it's going to take more holy water than that."

Nothing else came out of that conversation.

Tonight, I was at a parent meeting for football when I missed a phone call from a Salem number. No one left a message, but I felt a pull to call back the number. Not even thinking, I dialed the number to hear, "Wonder Valley Church Camp." Jacob is at Wonder Valley now attending church camp. My stomach turned. I explained who I was, that I missed a call and that my son was in camp. I called his father next, who also received a missed call from that number. We started to get worried when the number beeped in again. The man on the other end said, "Mrs. Shetler, this is Jeff Prince at Wonder Valley. No one is hurt, injured, sick and nothing is broken, but your son Jacob is next to me and he wants to speak to you." My next thought was that he was homesick. Jacob got on the line and said:

"Mom, I've decided to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. I've read and studied the scripture, and this is what I want to do. I'm going to be baptized Friday."

Tears of joy couldn't be contained ... I cried and cried some more. Adrenaline pumping through my body at the first thought that he was hurt mixed with feelings of pride and joy. Jacob asked, "Are you crying?" "Yes," I replied. "I am so unbelievably proud of you buddy."

I don't know any other feeling greater than knowing that your son, the one person you love more than life itself, will find eternal life through Jesus. But I shouldn't be surprised. It's been obvious since the beginning that God had a plan for this little guy and has been working on him ever since.

Tonight, I praise God for saving my son, then and now.

He's ready even if I'm not

I have five wallet-sized pictures of my sons taped to the bottom of my computer monitor. Each was taken at Hudson’s Photography and progressively shows how three very important little boys have grown up during the past five years, and of course they show how the brood has grown in numbers.

The biggest change in those pictures is the 5-year-old.

He goes from a curly headed almost toddler ,wide-eyed and a little frightened, to a handsome young man with a faux hawk right before my eyes.

Each picture shows his unique and showman-like personality. All smiles, he’s obviously at ease in front of the camera.

But in fact, he’s at ease wherever he goes.

I wish I could say the same ...

But as I write this column, I can look down at my computer monitor and see the change that has taken place in my life. And that change centers on motherhood.

In less than two weeks, I’ll be sending another little boy off to school. No matter how many times I do this, it never seems to get any easier.

You’d think by the third time, I’d be an old pro.

But it seems the older I get, the worse it gets.

I’m no longer a 20-something overzealous mother ready to get it right. I’ve moved past that stage.

Now, I know we’re going to get it wrong, but we know how to make it right.

I know Alex is ready. I know he’s smart, personable and ready to take on the world. He fears nothing, loves attention and performs without limits.

But I also know he’s going to get in trouble for talking too much and for not raising his hand. I know he doesn’t hold his pencil right, and I know he’s going to make the same mistakes all other kindergartners make.

His excitement shows more and more each day. He wears his new-for-school Old Navy fleece around the house, oblivious to the fact that it’s scorching hot outside. He totes his brand-spanking-new SpongeBob lunchbox around the house and asks me to remember that he likes ranch and tells me I should include that dipping sauce in his lunch when he goes to school. And he and I play “school” in his bedroom while the “Ready for Kindergarten” DVD plays in the background. He doesn’t know he’s learning as we play, and I like it that way.

Right now, I’m holding on extra tight to my third born.

But truthfully, I’ve been feeling him let go of me for quite some time.

He’s ready to take his own steps in the world, not following the paths his brothers took, but forging his own trail.

For now, I know it’s important for both of us that I hold his hand. He’ll trip and fall, and I’ll help give him the confidence he needs to stand back up and keep going. And the feel of his warm little fingers will be forever etched in my soul.

The world is Alex’s stage, and with great trepidation and pride, I’m ready to watch him perform.

I’ll be the one stationed in the front row with a tear streaming down my cheek.

Where's my tape recorder?

Oh how Alex makes me laugh ...

At 5 years old, he's trying to be big. He wants to hang with the big guys, but he's still so young.

So to compensate, he uses big phrases in completely inappropriate situations. When he uses those big sayings in appropriate situations, it's even funnier.

Take our back-to-school shopping experience last week. I was showing him lunchboxes, letting him pick one out when he announced, "These are all totally lame." I laughed throughout the store ... He was kind of right.

(Oh, and that picture is of Alex on Lake Monroe. He told us he was "Alex Soup." He does look like he's in a soup bowl.)

Or when I asked him if he was going to get a girlfriend in kindergarten, and he replied, "Only if she's hot."

When he got his haircut Friday night, I told him he looked very handsome. His response was to shake his bottom, wink and say, "Boom, boom shaka laka."

Sitting in the bathtub with Emery last night, he had Emery laughing hysterically. Alex was dumping water on his own head and making silly noises. Emery was giggling to no end when Alex announced, "This is how I roll, Emis." I almost fell over ...

On our way to dropping Jacob off at church camp on Sunday, he found a ping-pong ball in his cup holder. He pulled that ball out and said, "Hmmm, what do you know ... I found a ball."

And when I made him chocolate milk last night, he asked me, "Make it with extra love, Mom." I obliged and kissed the top of the sippy cup.

It's a phrase a minute with that little guy. The world is his stage, and he's more than happy to entertain.

He hears things from his big brothers and tries to use what they say. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. More often than not, he leaves me laughing and shaking my head.

I write them down as he says them, but I almost can't keep up. I sure love that little guy and appreciate each and every giggle he gives me.