Quarky Quotations

I've decided to keep a running log of all of the things my kids say ... Simple and cute. I love their honesty and shall we say, bluntness ...

Aug. 5, 2011: At Jacob's baptism at Wonder Valley Christian Camp, Alex looked at me and asked, "So when is it Jacob's turn to get appetized?"

Aug. 7, 2011: I drove through a local fast food restaurant to get my sons and Henry some food. Leaving, Jacob asked me if I got anything for myself. I replied, "No. I'm not hungry." To which he replied, "Mom, you're never hungry anymore. You used to always be hungry. Is there something wrong?" I told him that when you're trying to diet, fast food isn't the best alternative. He goes, "Well, if there's every anything wrong, you know you can talk to me. I'm there for you."

Aug. 10, 2011: Giving Emery a bath, Lucas was just a few feet away from the bathroom playing in the hall. He said, "Mom, there's a spider." So I replied, "Kill it." He goes, "Actually, I officially retired from killing spiders." ... Man, I hope he doesn't expect Social Security.

Aug. 11, 2011: On the way to day care, Jacob and I were discussing girlfriends, boyfriends and which of his friends was dating who. We discussed one couple, when he said, "I'd rather not have a girlfriend than to have one I'm embarrassed to be seen with." Sage advice, I suppose.

July 28, 2011: Alex walked up to me in the kitchen and said, "Mom, you look cute." I said, "Thank you, Alex." To which he replied, "Since I called you cute, can you get me some chocolate milk?" Flattery at age 5.

Aug. 11, 2011: Words of wisdom from Jacob this morning, "I'd rather not have a girlfriend than have one I'm embarrassed to be seen with."

Aug. 29, 2011: Henry's conversation with Jacob yesterday: "Jake, would you rather have a very beautiful, sexy woman whom you fight with all the time and don't get along with or a woman who may be a little heavier, not as beautiful, but you have a wonderful marriage?" Jacob's response, "There has to be a third option."

Aug. 30, 2011: You know you have a kindergartner when you ask him how his day went and he says, "Someone ate a booger today!"

Sept. 13, 2011: My 5-year-old is now manipulating the "Bucket Filler" program at Hatfield. After getting a spanking last night he told me with tears in his eyes, "You emptied my bucket." A few minutes later he said, "If you get me chocolate milk, it would fill my bucket back up."

Oct. 7, 2011: In trouble for opening cookies after I told him not to, then fibbing by saying he didn't know the bag would open, I was scolding Alex when he said, "But, mom, I'm only 5 years old. I don't know a lot of things. Like 0+7. I don't know what that is."

Oct. 17, 2011: Leaving town Friday, we drove past CVS. Alex, who is all about learning to read and spell right now, goes, "Hey, Mom, I know how to spell CVS!" Playing along, I said, "How do you spell CVS?" And with great seriousness, he said, "C-V-S." Henry and I cracked up laughing. He's so excited about learning, we can't possibly burst his bubble.

Oct. 27, 2011: Lucas was trying to decide whether to watch "Super Hero Squad" and "Potpie" this morning. I love kid language!!

Oct. 31, 2011: Made chili for office chili cook-off. The boys all ate bowls of it this morning. While eating his, Jacob says in disgust, "A lot of people think chili is just tomato juice, ground beef and some noodles. Mom, when you die, can you will me your chili recipe?"

Nov. 8, 2011: After dinner last night, Jacob announced he was going to do "five sit-ups to work it off." I replied, "Jake, I run for an hour and don't work it all off," so he goes, "Then, I'll do 10." That's my Jake!!

Nov. 18, 2011: Drove by a dead skunk this morning on our way into town. I asked the boys, "What's that smell?" Lucas replied, "A turkey." Ummm, I think we need to work on our animal traits.

Nov. 20, 2011: They let Emery out of the hospital after a breathing issue, and Lucas said, "Good news. They let Emery loose!"

Dec. 1, 2011: Jacob: "Mom, I'm kinda hoping you get fat again. You were a much better cook when you were fat." (To clarify, we had pot roast last night and we're having lasagna tonight. I don't think he's suffering.)

Dec. 5, 2011: Alex runs screaming out of the bathroom this morning half-asleep yelling about a moth. Henry goes to slay the poor moth, and mumbles, "You're your mother's kid." All the while, I'm laughing hysterically. Alex doesn't find it as funny and said, "Quit laughing! What'd you want me to do get stinged in the eye or something?"

Dec. 8, 2011: Lucas said on the way to school, "Mom, is today Wednesday?" I said, "No. It's Thursday." Lucas goes, "Yep. We must've skipped Wednesday." I laughed and said, "No. Yesterday was Wednesday." Lucas said, "It was? Yesterday felt like Tuesday." To which Jacob replied, "Nope. Yesterday was Wednesday, Lucas. Remember? We went to church. Church is always on Wednesdays."

Dec. 12, 2011: The boys wanted to sleep in the same room together. Jacob climbed into Lucas' bed, and Lucas started throwing a fit. Lucas said, "I don't want him to sleep in my bed. He stinks." To which Jacob replied, "It's called puberty. Get used to it."

Dec. 15, 2011: Emery was in the bathroom while I was getting ready for work taking a breathing treatment. Lucas walks in and starts talking to him. Lucas gets right up in his face, and Emery says, "No." Lucas looked at me and said, "Mom, did you hear that? Emery said 'no' like a human."